Cramping his Style

Dave:  "You should eat cabbage so you'll be big and strong like yo daddy."

Little guy:  "Uh, dad, check out these guns."  He held his arm up at a right angle.

Dave:  "Well, check out these pecs."  Shirt off, pecs flexed.

Little guy:  Pulls shirt off immediately.  "Mine are more defined."

Dave:  "Touch these, Kal."

Little guy:  "Touch mine, mom."

Me:  "Why do you two always bring me into the middle of this?"  I touch them with all the enthusiasm I could muster (not much).  "They're both firm."

Dave:  "Ow, I think I gave myself a cramp flexing my muscles."

Little guy:  "Wimp."

Me:  "I think this makes him the winner, Dave."


Just what would happen if he did eat all that cabbage?

Go ahead, "like" my blog...it won't cramp your style at all.  :-)

Driving Miss Crazy

With school about to start up again soon, I'm going through my annual "I have nothing to wear!" syndrome.  Really I have plenty to wear, I've either just forgotten it's in my closet or I simply don't like it.  So...I decided today I'd start test driving some stuff.  First out?  A little blue jean dress.  Frankly, I'm not a fan of blue jean dresses as a rule.  Always makes me think of being big, uncomfortable, and pregnant.  My "go to" dress when I was "with" child(ren) was a big, ugly, and very comfy blue jean dress.  Anyway, this dress is totally not like that one, so I slipped it on and wore it around the house.  Worked fine for making cookies.  Worked fine for taking a nap.  Worked fine for catching a second or two of the Olympics.  Then...


Dave:  "Let's take the donkey to a coffee shop."  ("Donkey" = Hazel, our dog)

Me:  "Can I go out in this?"  The panic was creeping in at the edges.

Dave:  "Sure."

Me:  "But look, if I have to bend over to pick something up, look what shows!  And if I have to sit on something, look what comes in contact with the chair!!"  Yes, I was moving toward full-on panic mode.


Yeah, no dress is worth that, right?  OK, whew, first thing in the "get this the heck outa here" pile.  This is easy!  (Though I may need some therapy when I'm done.)  Oh, and if you see me around in the next week or so, please know that I'm likely test driving something.  Your input is greatly appreciated...and, perhaps, some chamomile tea to settle my nutty panicky nerves.  Eesh!

I'd love it if you'd take that "like" button for a test drive!!

The Early Bird Gets the...

Decided last night that I'd mow the lawn today.  And, sure 'nuf, I got up early this morning (thanks to a phone call from someone who misdialed...at 5:17 A.M.) and was pushing that grass eating machine at 8:00 A.M. on the dot.  I was ready at 6:30, but figured I'd make my neighbors grouchy.  Anyway, after finishing and cleaning up my stanky self, I had to brag about it.


Me:  "I mowed the lawn this morning!"

Dave:  "It looks great!"

Little guy:  "What?  Wow, you haven't mowed the lawn since the 90s."

Me:  "It hasn't been that long.  It's been sometime in the 2000s."


Gee...goofy little doubter.


P.S. My apologies to the little gecko that was plucked off of a rock by a hungry bird.  Sorry...I stirred you when I had to move a rock to do my best mowing work. 

Thanks for "liking" my blog on facebook!!

Mother Daughter

I had a dream last night that I had a daughter.  I woke up all flustered and confused.  A daughter?  What the heck would I do with a daughter?  I never wanted one.  Throughout both of my pregnancies I had my fingers and toes double crossed that they'd be boys.  I'm not entirely sure why...just a gut feeling that I wasn't equipped to parent a girl.  After my gooseflesh wore off this morning and I really considered the idea, I thought that maybe, just maybe, there might have been a little more pink around the place.  And I'd have someone I could share hair do-dads with.  And then I sipped from my drink and realized there'd be no getting around my teaching her how to put a straw in her armpit and blow making the coolest, most unseemly sounds ever.  Yeah, I think I could rock the mother/daughter thing.

Thanks for "liking" my blog on facebook!

Stuff, Stash, and Stink

We've had another game of "what's that smell?" at the Parsons house.  The scene this time?  The laundry room.  It's the home of all kinds of funky suspects.  The litter box (surprisingly not stinky), the hampers of dirty stuff (typically stinky), and a machine that is, well, moist much of the time (intermittently stinky).  So, long story short, we pulled both machines out, thoroughly cleaned under and behind them, and put it all back.  So, yay!

All was fine and dandy until Dave turned around in the laundry room and eyed my chaotic crafting area.


Me:  "I have to go eat something before we can even think about talking about this."


Yes, I'm a big avoider.  I have wonderful and amazing plans for all that stuff, don't ya know.  Anyway, after my tummy was filled I dug in.  Somehow I managed to toss enough stuff that I'd totally forgotten existed so I had room to shove the stuff I did remember in its place.  Whew!


Me:  "Hey, boys, come check out the laundry room."

Big guy:  "Woah, what happened?"

Me:  "Does it still have a smell?"

Little guy:  "No."


...and then, of course, someone tooted (not me).

Hoo should "like" my blog on facebook?  You, that's hoo! 

Getting the Monkey off my Back

In my continuing efforts to rid myself of those things that once gave me peace and distraction and somehow morph into anxiety enhancers, I've given up my beloved caffeinated tea.  About two months ago it was gum I gave up.  Moderation is not my friend, and I think I ended up chewing so much of it that whatever the artificial sweetener that was in it was making me feel sick.  That, and Dave said I looked like a cow (chewing wise, not in other ways, I'm hoping, though they do have the loveliest eyes).  Anyway, yesterday was my first day without tea.  It was a water only day.  And, lucky for my family, I was home alone pretty much all day long while I went through detox.

Gosh, worst headache ever, nauseous all day long, couldn't stay awake (I took five hours' worth of naps), and was grouchy, grouchy, grouchy.  And this was just tea!!!  Day two has been better, only one nap and just the shadow of a headache. 

So, I feel compelled to fist bump all you addicts out there who have quit real drugs.  I mean, woof!  I almost backward slid about twenty times that first day.  Kudos to you!

Thank you ever so much for "liking" my blog on facebook!!!

I am Woman, Hear me Clink

Today in the car.


Little guy:  "Mom, how do you spell 'woman'?"

Me:  "W-O-M-A-N...you know, like 'Whoa Man'."

Little guy:  "That's not it."

Me:  "Huh?"

Little guy:  "How do you spell 'female'?"

Me:  "F-E-M-A-L-E"

Little guy:  "Yeah, that's it.  So, 'Fe' stands for 'iron', and 'male' means 'man', so you're an Iron Man, mom."

Me:  "Awesome!  Check out these guns, dude!"

Little guy:  "Don't push it, mom."

Go ahead...muscle up and "like" my blog on facebook.  Thanks!!